Go to Lamprey Systems NOW!!! Read the rest of this later. Lamprey just might be the funniest site on the Web.

While this doesn't quite fit in here, it's still funny. . . a list of common mistakes made by science fiction / fantasy supervillians. This site doesn't fit, either. . . but some of what's there is funny.

Here are a set of butchering instructions for humans.

Here is the alt.tasteless dictionary of unusual words/phrases. alt.tasteless Encyclopaedia Horribilius. Enjoy. (Sorry, the original illustrated version the link used to point at is no longer there, if anybody knows where a mirror site is, please let me know.

Burning Church Enterprises T-shirts. Just the thing for that special church service.

I've been meaning to put this up for a while. Want to learn the truth about gerbilling? What about the amazing variety of objects that people have stuffed up their asses over the years? To see for yourself, try The Butt Page.

This is almost as repellent as teamgates used to be, Shiteater.

While on the subject, Ultimate Revenge will ship a package of human fecal matter to any designated address for a reasonable price. While it isn't my idea of ultimate revenge, I have met people for which this is appropriate and chances are, so do you.

Other places I like. . . the Usenet newsgroup alt.tasteless. Here's a collection of throughly tasteless posts from there. If one is yours and you have a problem with it, E-mail me.Read the a.t. FAQ.

Here's a good tasteless site: Subtle Chunks. Humor archives, original cartoons...

The alt.sex.bestiality newsgroup deserves special comment. While people boinking sheep is inherently funny, people taking the idea of sheep-boinking seriously as a lifestyle I find hysterically funny. The bad news is that you'll have to spend a day adding XXX adult random advertising spam sites to your kill filter to make it work, spam on anything having to do with sex has gotten beyond belief. [3/23/98 - don't bother, the legit users have been run out.] I'll add some alt.tasteless archives and other Web links soon.

Then, there's alt.sex.bestiality.barney [bad news - alt.sex.bestiality.barney has literally been spammed to death, may it rot in peace. I'm leaving it as an example of how spam can kill a good newsgroup]

Once upon a time, there were newsgroups devoted to the reasonable proposition that the Purple Pedophile is the greatest threat to humanity ever to come stalking our kids and incidentally, the rest of mankind and discussing ways to exterminate Barney. A group formed to do that called The Jihad. That was a few years ago. Here's a review of the pathetic state of the newsgroup and its users: Barney & Friends Adult and Teen User Group. The link to the page is there. I delinked the new generation Jihad Web pages... the enemies of Barney are now outside the Jihad, not in it. Try the Barney Fun Page for non-Jihad Barney fun.

This site belongs to one of the top commercial Website developers. While you can probably learn about good Web design here, site content is largely the stuff that no sane person would attempt to sell the fortune 500... check 'disturbing images'.

Another special place is the Church of Euthanasia site. Any church whose sacraments are suicide, abortion, cannibalism and sodomy can't be all bad. Actually, they do have a serious purpose, that of encouraging people not to reproduce, feeling with some justification that humans are the greatest threat to the Earth's biosphere in existence. Since (sorry, Chrissie) I'm not into deep ecology, I'll simply say that what's here is some of the funniest material on the entire Web. . . and the humor is usually intentional. Whether one agrees with them or not, they are what I consider seriously cool people.

Here are some Darwin Award-related sites. The Darwin Award is for those who have put the most effort into cleaning up the human genetic pool by removing themselves from it in a spectacularly stupid way. Here's some non-award alt.tasteless Darwinian stupidity.

And here's a group of people who I hope to see qualify for Darwin Awards, both individually and en masse. Welcome to the land of the PETA-brains.

REAL SICK MATERIAL!

To see the second sickest site on the entire Web, click here. You did get the barf bag, right? NOW click here. Sorry, some bad news here. The site has been considerably toned down... no more pictures of people in identical running gear chanting Bill Gates's name. If I'd known it was going to be toned down, I probably would have mirrored it somewhere outside the USA so you could see the original in all its rancid glory. Ever tried to suppress laughter while heaving at the same time? That's what you're missing from the current site, if anybody (Bill Gates, this means you!)did think to grab it while it was still good, let me know where so I can reset the link.

To see the sickest site on the entire Internet, click here. This site is unlikely to be toned down.

Microsoft Humor

Then, there are sites which express the more orthodox opinion about Microsoft and Bill Gates, such as the many Microsoft Hate Pages. The Micro$oft Hate Page may well be the most virulent of these pages.

Here is the delightful

Here's a Republican page.

In my humble opinion, the highest Usenet literary form is the literate, intelligent, sidesplittingly funny flame. Some good examples can be found at The Essence of The Flame. I'll try to post some of my own later.

Something interesting I just ran across, the bizarre page.

New sites: happyclown inc. Bart Cox Web Site ... you can meet the Net's favorite cross-dressing gun nut there.

Serious Jesus Freak apocalyptic insanity can be found at: dreams and visions,remnants

Conspiracy theory? For the day to day stuff, go to alt.conspiracy. For something a bit usual, try Conspiracy or coincidence. . . good old boy Texas right-wingers fighting the good fight from their keyboards. Funniest thing about this is that some of what's here is fact. Have fun figuring out which is which, or start reading the Robert Anton Wilson books.

Check out rotten dot com for disturbing and disturbed visual images.

People have been known to lose their lunches when perusing Sneauman's Tasteless Page. For more tasteless-related material, try here and use your own judgment about which links to go to next. One of the links that should be here is the archive site for alt.tasteless archive site. Note that Virtuanna's site, the site that inspired the Altavista query above is moving to here. Worth seeing.

Ever wanted a voice-coffinbox? For 1-900 commercial goth-vampire stuff, try the bite's on you.

This site won't make anyone puke, but it's hella funny, unless you're a hella stupid male, in which case it'll piss you off. If you're in the second category, what are you doing here? Try the Heartless Bitches site.

Offensive shareware? The bad news is that it's for Mac only, but if games like Mad Cow Roulette and MacJesus Pro Gold sound like fun, check this Wired Newsarticle to learn more.

Ever started a barbecue with liquid oxygen? If you need proof that there are people on the Net crazier than you are, go here and see the video.

An interesting interview from Wired.

Finally, here's one of my better alt.tasteless postings:

Path: news6.giganews.com!nntp3.giganews.com!news6.giganews.com.POSTED!not-for-mail
From: alizard[spam]@ecis.com (A.Lizard)
Newsgroups: alt.tasteless
Subject: Re: Update on A.T.'s latest Father of the Year nominee (retry)
Organization: Reptilian Associates

On Wed, 05 Apr 2000 02:34:00 GMT, worley@dworley.ne.mediaone.net
(Acetylcholinesterase Inhibitor) wrote:

>alizard[spam]@ecis.com (A.Lizard) writes:
>> A history of the US bound in the skins of Federal elected
>> officials would be a cool thing to have.
>
>The difficulty is that there wouldn't be enough to go around.  Whereas
>enemies in war can be slaughtered in the thousands per battle (tens of
>thousands if you're willing to do in their civilians as well, as most
>armies were), there's only 450 or so elected Federal officials at any
>one time, which limits the total supply to a few thousand over two
>centuries.

Supply and demand... this merely would make the price
unreasonably high. The fact that there are 537 (435 in the House,
100 Senators, 1 VP and 1 President) wouldn't help all that much.
Of course, if the public was willing to settle for a thin layer
of politician over ordinary leather or plastic (I guess the
minimum would be one layer of cells thick) far more of them could
be made. 

At least I've managed to discover a useful purpose for politician
skins, which is more than their current owners have managed.

A.Lizard