From news.ecis.com!news.vaultline.net!news-out.internetmci.com!infeed1.internetmci.com!newsfeed.internetmci.com!nntp.earthlink.net!usenet Tue Jul 15 13:33:06 1997 Path: news.ecis.com!news.vaultline.net!news-out.internetmci.com!infeed1.internetmci.com!newsfeed.internetmci.com!nntp.earthlink.net!usenet From: Chuckie Sarsparilla Newsgroups: alt.tasteless,alt.tasteless.humor,alt.tasteless.johan.wevers,alt.tasteless.jokes,alt.tasteless.penis,alt.tasteless.pictures,alt.tcj Subject: LOSE MONEY FAST!!!!! IT REALLY WORKS!!! Date: Fri, 11 Jul 1997 22:17:52 -0700 Organization: Food Not Bombs Lines: 176 Message-ID: <33C71380.6798@earthlink.net> References: <33B9082A.30F9@inter.com> <33bb47e2.7090808@news.netvigator.com> Reply-To: sarsparilla@earthlink.net NNTP-Posting-Host: max2-okb-ca-52.earthlink.net Mime-Version: 1.0 Content-Type: text/plain; charset=iso-8859-1 Content-Transfer-Encoding: 8bit X-Mailer: Mozilla 3.0Gold (Win95; U; 16bit) Xref: news.ecis.com alt.tasteless:113462 alt.tasteless.johan.wevers:68 alt.tasteless.jokes:141807 alt.tasteless.penis:3471 alt.tasteless.pictures:3572 Please waste your time and read this. It certainly is a load of bullshit. A little while back, I was browsing these Newsgroups, just like you would be doing if you weren't reading spam like this, and came across an article similar to this that said you could make thousands of dollars within weeks with only an initial investment of $5.00! So I thought, "Dammit, yet another one of these. Will these dickwads ever go away?" Unlike most of us I am exceptionally gullible, so I kept reading. Anyway, it said that you send $1.00 to each of the five names and addresses stated in the article. You then place your own name and address in the bottom of the list at #5, for the whole world to see, then spam the article to every fucking newsgroup you can find.(There are thousands!!). No catch: you just have to show all of usenet what an idiot you are, piss off thousands of people all over tho world, and recieve bag after bag of hate mail! So after thinking it over, and talking to a few people first, I thought about trying it. I figured what have I got to lose except 5 stamps, $5.00, my reputation, any chance of ever getting a job, my bank account, my house, and my already feeble mind? Unlike most of us I didn't give a damn about the legal aspects of it all. I didn't bother to check with my country Post Office; (1-800-876-7060). If I had, they would have told me that all pyramid scams are very ILLEGAL, and I was an idiot for even considering throwing my life away. Then I invested the measly $5.00................ Well GUESS WHAT!!?... Within days, I started getting stuff in the mail. I was shocked !!. I figured it would end soon, and didn't give it a second thought. But the stuff just kept coming in. In my first week, I got about 30 pieces of hate mail. By the end of the second week I had not only recieved over 1,000 pieces of hate mail, but also 30 death threats!!!!! After the third week I had over 10,000 pieces of hate mail, 1,000 death threats, and 30 pictures of myself jacking off in the front seat of my car!!! and it's still coming! This is now my fourth week and I have recieved a total of just over 42,000 pieces of hate mail, 8,000 death threats, 1,000 pictures of myself jacking off in the front seat of my car, 100 letters from friends telling me they don't know me, 50 small explosive devices, 24 jury summons, 13 pictures of my wife nailing my boss, 7 visits from the mob, 2 neuclear devices, a truckload of slaughterhouse debris, and a declaration of war from a small south american country! and it's still coming in...... It was certainly worth my initial investment of only $5.00 and 5 stamps. Let me tell you how this works, and most importantly, why it works...also, make sure you print a copy of this article NOW, so you can get the information off it as you need it. The process is very simple and consists of 3 easy steps: STEP 1: Get five pieces of paper and write the following on each piece of paper "PLEASE INCLUDE ME ON YOUR LIST OF OTHER SUCKERS." Now get 5 $1.00 bills and place ONE inside EACH of the 5 pieces of paper so the bill will not be seen through the envelope, to prevent anyone but the person you're sending the bill to from stealing the money Next, place one paper in each of the five envelopes and seal them. You should now have 5 sealed envelopes, each with a piece of paper stating the above phrase and a $1.00 bill. Now, take the 5 envelopes, and, slowly, shove each of them up your ass. Mail the 5 envelopes to the following addresses: Bill Clinton 1600 Pennsylvania Avenue NW Washington DC 20500 Janet Reno Department of Justice Washington DC 20500 John Shakashvili The Pentagon Alexandria, VA Louis Freeh FBI Headquarters Washington DC 20500 Colin Powell 500 Army Street Langley, VA This way, since you are committing a federal felony, the right people will know about it. STEP 2: Now take the #1 name off the top of the list that you see above, then move the other names up (5 becomes 4, 4 becomes 3 etc...) and add YOUR own name and ADDRESS in the place of number five on the list. This way, everyone you annoy will know where you live, to send their pictures of you jacking off to you, or to report you to the postal inspector. (number listed above.) STEP 3: Spam your amended article to the entire $%&*#!$ world! The more newsgroups, the better! And mail it to every email address on the net. Remember; the more you post....The more hate mail you get! Don't know how to post in the Newsgroups? How the fuck do you think you are reading this? Fill in the SUBJECT with a flashy title, like the one I used, something that will catch the eye!!! **REMEMBER, THE MORE NEWSGROUPS YOU POST IN, THE MORE PEOPLE WILL HATE YOU! BUT BE SURE TO TYPE IT IN ALL CAPS, SO EVERYONE KNOWS YOU'RE AN IDIOT!!! That's it! Within a couple days, you will recieve a knock on your door. These are the feds. They are arresting you for commiting federal wire fraud. Go with them peacefully. Since you are an idiot for trying this in the first place, I sugguest you try a plea bargin. If you are lucky, you will only be convicted of 5 counts of federal wire fraud, and only get 20 years. On good behavior, you can be out in 10 years! Enjoy your new 10x10 room. You may want to tell everyone your cell number, due to the large amount of mail you will receive. If you're lucky, the mob will pay you a visit and remove you from the gene pool. (not like you got laid anyway) **IT IS VITAL THAT ALL THE ADDRESSES ARE CORRECT BEFORE POSTING** If they aren't, the right people won't find out, and they can't arrest you for disturbing the president. Remember, HONESTY IS THE BEST POLICY. You don't need to cheat the basic idea to make money!! GOOD LUCK to all and please play fairly and reap the huge rewards from this, which is tons of extra cash. **By the way, if you try to deceive people by posting the messages with your name in the list and not sending the money to the rest of the people already on the list, it will make no difference whatsoever. This is because the people you send money to never bother to write down your name and address, and idiots like you send money to whoever is on the list, weather they went through the whole process or not. I recently visited someone whom tried that particular scheme, and he recieved just as much hate mail as everyone else, before he was caught... Please don't listen to those people that don't trust it and continue to say it's a scam and doesn't work...They are posessed by the devil, I tell you. They want to see you fail, while they reap the rewards of work. You, trying to get money for nothing, will never reap the rewards of success. You may also want to ask aol for their member listing, so you can get a lot more hits on this scam. Oh, and please remember to declare you extra income. This will make it easier for the feds to catch you stealing money. There was a reason Capone didn't do his taxes... Thanks once again... They say imitation is the highest form of flattery. I say they just don't know how to think for themselves. Come here blind sheep, I have a cookie... *BLAM!!!* Got 'em. Now only all of usenet to go... Groan... Brought to you from the genius at Pyen software with way too much time on his hands, Chuck C., aka §ārs. Thank you. -- -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=- I Completely fail to see why everyone is so upset, especially since biology is such an inexact science and for every step foreward there must be two steps backward but anyway I said I was sorry and I'd like my funding back so I can pay my bail and go home. -Gnome Biologist -=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-=-