reproduced with permission - A.Lizard From hys.grace@iballscalltoarms.com Thu Nov 04 17:24:35 1999 From: "Duke Henry Plantagenet" Newsgroups: alt.tasteless,rec.food.cooking Subject: Challenge to rec.food.cooking / It's our Birthday! Date: Fri, 5 Nov 1999 01:24:35 -0000 Organization: Call to Arms Hello to everyone on rec.food.cooking. Take a quick look at the newsgroups line and note where the crossposting is from. Shudder. Yes, the sewer has backed up into the Kitchen, once more... It's our Birthday! Yes, alt.tasteless is ten years old today. Ten years ago, our founder Bruce Becker swung round in his chair and - in a moment of inspiration - new grouped the conference which was to go on to gain the reputation of being the most vile cesspit of UseNet. And we'd like you to share our Birthday Cake with us. Yeah, the icing on top is yellow. So what - you wanna make a deal out of it?? Dear r.f.c 'er - please indulge your imaginations to this: It was justifiable. You have three guests coming tomorrow and *someone* had said "I'll buy it. Leave it to me." This evening, with no meat in the freezer, the shops shut tomorrow, and you took the souffle out the oven only to find you had a pancake, and at the wrong moment in the heat of a silly argument *someone* said "You are a useless cook!"... And that is why your S.O. is lying dead on the floor with a carving knife in the ribcage and a surprised look on the face. Later, the floor has been cleaned and you have got the "main ingredient" chopped up on the sink. Now - the challenge is this - you have a selection of meat cuts which according to connoisseurs tastes like a very rich pork. A Christian Missionary in eighteenth century Africa, described it that way, after making the mistake of asking the cook for the recipe of the splendid meal he had just enjoyed... What recipe will you use to present the "main dish" to the fullest effect? Should you enhance the full richness of the meat, or subtly disguise it? Is it going to be prime, tender meat or will it possibly be a bit tough requiring a different approach? What about the "little bits" left over - someway to "dispose" of those? You have the rest of the evening and tomorrow to work in, until your guests arrive in the evening for a meal they are not going to forget. Ever. Oh yes, and you will be cooking for four people. Not five... I have started here with the first recipe - now it's over to you. Have fun! If you will be replying, please trim this post before quoting, thank you. This recipe is sent to me by a fellow historical re-enactor & his wife - who is Polynesian. This is her _authentic_ family recipe as handed down from mother to daughter (slightly modernised version here). As they have just had the misfortune to have their van broken into and their gear nicked I can assure you that she would have no qualms serving up the perpetrators if they ever catch the swines. As a firm believer in a strong, feudal system of justice, I would be pleased to take a seat at the table too because this sounds quite delicious... Polynesian "Long Pig" "Pork" about (1 1/2 lbs.) Pineapple (1 tin in juice) Ginger (fresh 3/4 inch) Bayleaf Pepper Corns (crushed lots) Onions (2) Garlic (3-4 cloves) Coconut Milk Lemon Grass (2 stems) Saffron Olive Oil Marinate the - ahem - "Pork" (cubed) in the pineapple juice, ginger and 1 crushed clove of garlic and bay for about 2 hours. Heat oil in pan, add chopped onion and rest of garlic, fry till soft. Add meat and brown. Add coconut milk, pineapple and marinade with lemon grass chopped. Reduce down over about 1 hour, add saffron 15 mins before end of cooking. If you want it hotter add a chilli or two at the beginning. It should be served with lots of rice. She notes further - The most tender piece of meat is the left forearm of a young woman, the toughest is the thigh of a warrior. Have fun! -- Cheers! His Grace, Duke Henry Plantagenet (Tough, old meat) "Call to Arms" - The Historical Re-enactment Directory If you want to email me - please remove the eyeballs first